Disaster

So the high from finally getting my greencard was shortly lived. Just a few short days later I got a terrible phone call from my mom. Through her tears she told me that my grandma had been in a car accident and was in the hospital. She went on to explain that the doctors think that she had a heart attack which caused her to drive off the road and slide down into a ditch. Moreover, the time that it took paramedics to arrive on the scene and revive her was around 10 or 15 minutes which left her severely brain damaged and doctors with little hope of her ever waking up again.

So after some phone calls back and forth over the next day or two my dad decided to buy me a ticket to New York to come and spend time with my family and to say goodbye to my grandma. I arrived in New York late at night and was taken directly to the hospital. I went in and saw my grandma in a state that I could have never imagined. She was 83 but if you knew her then you would have never thought of her being that old. She was active and alert, still driving and making her way around without trouble. She lived alone and would often visit friends and babysit her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She traveled fairly frequently and even came out to visit me in Denmark. So seeing her in such a helpless and lifeless state was hard to see and in a way she never wanted.

My grandma actually had a DNR signed. She did not want to be on life support, however when she was found, she did not have any identification or bracelet that would prove this. Since she was revived, the hospital code of ethics required them to keep her on a respirator for some days. It took about 4 days until my family was able to get her taken off of them. It was a very emotional and stressful time, but for those 4 days she was never alone. The visiting hours and normal rules of the ICU were disregarded as many of my aunts and cousins took shifts throughout the day and night so that she always had someone holding her hand and talking to her. Late on a Monday night the approval was gained to remove the breathing tubes, my grandma died a short time later early Tuesday. My uncle came out and told us and then one by one my mom and my Aunts came out. For me the thing I will never forget is when my mom came out. She made her way around hugging everyone and then ended up at my step dad. She wept with her face buried into his chest and I knew at that moment that nothing I have ever experienced could have prepared me for that kind of sadness. I think its only a sadness you can know if you have lost a close family member. Its a sadness that I hope not to experience for a very long time.

My grandma did not want people to be sad when she died. It was quite opposite actually. When she passed she wanted family to come together and celebrate. She didnt want a funeral or a service, but rather one last party that she would pay for. My grandma was the center of a large family and I think was happiest when everyone was together. So it was only fitting that she would find a way to bring everyone together one last time.